Position paper: On
raising Moral Children
Lien Nguyen
University of
Phoenix-Washington Campus
In partial fulfillment of
the requirements for SOC 101
Instructor: Ron Siddell
In the insightful
well-written article �On Raising Moral Children,� Robert Coles, a professor,
child psychiatrist, and Pulitzer prize winning author inspires and explores a
new degree of intelligence in children�s morality which he calls �moral
intelligence.� Cole
defines this by explaining that this intelligence is found in children who
are not only good and kind, but who extend themselves towards others, and
seem to care about others more than they care about themselves (Coles,
1997).� Moreover, he emphasizes that
moral intelligence should not be confused with the intelligence that is
required to master a kitchen appliance or the intelligence one possesses in
his or her studies.
To support his
definition of moral intelligence, Coles uses examples of children who ought
to be rightfully concerned about their own well-being, but yet are more
worried about the welfare of others. Specifically, he highlights one example
of a dying girl stricken with leukemia who is less worried about herself and
more worried about the burden she had put upon her mother. Yet another
example of a boy who had lost his right arm due to an automobile accident and
felt sorry for himself less than he did for his father. Furthermore, Coles
added a detailed story of his trip to the hospital with his own nine-year son
who had injured himself because he disobeyed the �rule� of his parents not to
play with sharp tools. On the way to the hospital, Cole�s son made a striking
remark by telling his father that they should be careful about getting into
trouble from running a red light since they were on their way to the hospital
to get out of trouble in the first place. Coles went on to describe how this
may have been his son�s way of letting him know that he understood action and
consequence. If his father violated the law by running a red light he would
have to face the consequences, much similar in the way that he disobeyed his
father�s �rule� and is now dealing with the consequence.
Coles points out through
these examples that children possess moral values which helps them
distinguish and recognize right from wrong and to follow rules that do not
harm others. But beyond the moral values that have shaped these children,
there is an aspect of notable intelligence that has inspired these children
to become sensitive to other peoples needs. With that, Coles explains that
parents could, at an early age, raise their children to have moral behavior,
to know right from wrong, and to behave properly with manner and self-restraint,
and with time, these children could acquire an intelligence that is beyond
simple intellectual growth. A student with a high SAT score is not guaranteed
to possess self-respect, sensitivity to other peoples feelings, or
necessarily be respectful of others (Coles, 1997). Coles challenges parents
today to provide love to their children with self-restraint, that is, not
giving in to everything their children may want, thus, perhaps becoming
slaves of their own children�s demands (Coles, 1997).
I was delighted after
reading Coles� article. I agree with the author that morality can be acquired
through the consequences of social contacts and not necessarily by memorizing
rules and regulations.� It is the
learning of how to be with others and how to behave with others (Coles,
1997). I believe that adults are examples for children to witness what
morality means. They are shaped into conscious beings by conscious parents
(Bennett, 1999). To me, the values that Coles mentions in this article are
important values that shape children from childhood through their adolescence
years. Values are born and shaped by adults (Coles, 1997). Hence, parents,
teachers, and grownups in society are their role models. These people are the
foundations that shape the community, nation, and country into a good or bad
world (Platter, 1999).�
I believe that the
society that I live now has a serious problem, that moral values are
declining. If you look at the world from a child�s perspective, you could
possibly characterize the world as full of con artists, drug dealers,
criminals, violent abusers, thieves, robbers, violators, gangs, youth
criminals, and substance abusers; the list goes on. It makes me wonder if
society�s moral values have declined because of the transformation of social
values in which one justifies him or herself through what one gains or
profits on an individual level rather than on a community level. Because of
Coles explanations I am now aware of a newer degree of importance, that is,
the real meaning of being a good and better person. A good person is one that
knows how to stay within the boundaries of rules, observes the law, and is a
conscience person. But the better person is one who can steer their way
through life, while holding on and sustaining their learned strong values
throughout life (Bennett, 1999).
I agree with Coles�
statements that children are active witnesses of adult behaviors and
morality. It is hard for children to learn when they see their own parents,
teachers, or family members as shattered role models. This creates a
situation where it is hard for them to decide from whom to learn. So when
they do run into trouble, where can they find the right person to express
their feelings to for the most supportive guidance. It makes me ponder on
what are the things that children actually witness in adults.� Perhaps, lies, betrayals, unfaithfulness,
adultery, recklessness, violence, and crimes.�
I would conclude that
Coles is telling me that if I raised a child with good moral values then I would
eventually be contributing to the goodness of society, thus making it into a
better one. The tasks that I, myself, as a parent, must possess are to guide
my child through the ways that I live out my life at home, work, and in the
community of service to others. From childhood, adolescence, and to
adulthood, there are values that I can challenge my children with. For
example, I can ensure that my children learn rules that honor others, as well
as themselves. In brief, having respect for the lives of others and being
sensitive to other peoples needs are a bond to any relation.
References
Coles, R. (1997). The
Moral Intelligence of Children. Toronto: Random House of Canada.
Bennett, W. (1999)
Conscious kids. Conscious Parents. [Online].
Available:�
http://www.eastwest.com/consciouskids/html
[1999, Nov. 21].
Plattor, E. (1999). Moral
Intelligence. Lite Invite On-Line [Online].
Available: http://www.carc.red-deer.com/litinvite/fall97/article2.html
[1999, Nov. 21].
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