By Ron Siddell
Well-differentiated,
emotionally mature leaders:
��� Define and clearly state their own beliefs, positions, and
convictions without attacking those of others.
��� Use feelings to clearly and effectively express themselves.
��� Make clear distinctions between thinking and feeling.
��� Accept differences between themselves and others and cope with
their own anxieties about those differences.
��� Refuse to be defensive about their beliefs, positions, and feelings,
and refuse to demand that others justify themselves.
��� Maintain close contact while being open about themselves and
their thoughts, feelings and wants.
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��� Live by whatever relationship expectations and ways of being
that make sense to them, rather than living the rules of others.
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��� Pursue goals for themselves rather than the goals of others
just for the sake of maintaining or improving relationships.
��� Accurately �check out� what others mean and clarify with them
their wants and intentions.
��� Negotiate, when appropriate, resolution of differences
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take into account their own goals as well as the concerns of others.
��� Maintain a sense of self when close to others and
self-sufficiency when distant from them.
��� Openly accept responsibility, non-defensively, for mistakes
they have made.
��� Appreciate and enjoy the differences between themselves and
others.
��� Refuse to see others as either saint or sinner�all good or all
bad.
��� Don�t allow themselves to be threatened or bullied or otherwise
manipulated into taking responsibility for others, or do the same to others
to get them to be responsible for them.
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��� Balance an appropriate mixture of humor and seriousness, and
avoid sarcasm.
��� Have ways to cope with their own anxiety.
��� Don�t develop physical symptoms in reaction to stress in
relationships; and are not manipulated by these symptoms in others.
��� Are not overwhelmed by helplessness but focus instead on what their
options are when others are doing something they don�t like.
��� Don�t see others as the cause of their problems, but instead
take responsibility for their being upset or distressed, and for what they
need.
��� Don�t make demands about how others should be or not be, or how they should feel, act, think, or what they should want in order for them to be happy.
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��� Refuse to make exclusive coalitions with those close to them no
matter how helpful such coalitions may appear.
��� Establish open, non-secretive, one-to-one relationships with
each person close to them, no matter what the setting.
��� Refuse to play the roles of persecutor,
victim, or rescuer.
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