HOW
TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL
1. You have to believe
the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe
that the same teacher who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow
qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe
that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of threat than
U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe
that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe
that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes
in the earth’s climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe
that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be
against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe
that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe
that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle
do.
10. You have to believe
that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn
it.
11. You have to believe
the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.
12.. You have to believe
the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution,
while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe
that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe
that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American
history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe
that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.
16. You have to believe
that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried,
is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
17. You have to believe
that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality
should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should
be illegal.